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Managing Difficult Relationships: Proactive Strategies for Working Moms Episode 93: Managing Difficult Relationships: Proactive Strategies for Working Moms Join Dr. Prianca Naik on the Empowering Working Moms Podcast! In this episode, she talks about dysfunctional relationships with people who have narcissistic or...
Time: 19:29
Episode 93: Managing Difficult Relationships: Proactive Strategies for Working Moms
Join Dr. Prianca Naik on the Empowering Working Moms Podcast! In this episode, she talks about dysfunctional relationships with people who have narcissistic or borderline tendencies and how they must be managed with strategies and boundaries. Dr. Prianca invites you to learn about how you can protect your peace by utilizing the tools she explores in this week's episode. Tune in for more on this important topic.
In this episode, you will learn how:
Dysfunctional relationships can negatively impact mental health. To recognize unhealthy relationship patterns. To utilize strategies to manage dysfunctional familial relationships. To detect narcissistic and borderline personality disorders.
Check out her free masterclass on how over-driven career moms can ditch burnout and exhaustion without more self-care in only five minutes a day.
https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast
If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to
www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call.
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https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/
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[FULL TRANSCRIPTION:]
You're listening to the empowering working moms podcast, episode number 93. Hello there, thank you so much for tuning in today, it is springtime finally. And in the northeast, there's hope in the air, summer is around the corner. And I'm sure so many of you have awesome trips planned or have had spring break trips or are doing summer stuff, all good.
And today's episode was really inspired by the dysfunctional relationships that you probably have. I know there's no way all your relationships are 100% perfect. So I want to talk about why this happens. And I think participating in unhealthy dynamics and relationships is a major thief. And it steals peace of mind. And it steals joy and it's a huge waste of time.
So, the sooner that we can start learning about our lives, and just learning to be aware, and then with that awareness, we can have tools that we use to really create this beautiful life. Because I know so many of you probably are just go, go, go from the minute your alarm goes off, getting out the door, yelling at your kids to get ready on time, brush their teeth, then you feel guilty for yelling.
And then when you're at work, all you're doing is thinking about home stuff and your kids. When you're with your kids you want to be present. But even during their nighttime routine storytime, you're just thinking of your to do list or counting down the minutes until you get a little bit of a break before you go to bed.
And so that's what I call the daily grind dread cycle. And it's such a shame for any of us to be participating in it because we've worked so hard to enjoy this life. And really, the work I do inside my program with clients, really teaches them to undo all of this and really heal from the inside out to create a next healthier and happier generation of children. So that's our kids.
And the work we do really does impact them and have a ripple effect on those around us. And as we model better self talk, better coping skills, showing them how we practice mindfulness, for example. And we take a moment before we lose it and things like that. They see that modeled and they learn to do the same thing, which is amazing.
So this work really isn't so much about us. I do this work, so that we get to be better for our kids than our parents were for us. So let's dive into the topic today. And also, if you want to learn more about this work, don't be shy book a call with me, PriancaNaikMDcoaching.as.me, the link is in the show notes. And we can really dive deeper into what's going on with you, see if we're a good fit to work together.
So in today's episode, I'm going to start by talking about some access to personality disorders, typically, narcissism and borderline because I think that they're very common, and those are really two disorders, and people have those traits, and these traits can be really pervasive in a lot of people.
And in fact, Type A women, perfectionists and high achievers, overachievers often have narcissistic parents. And that narcissism has its positive side because as that parent, they identify with you like you're a part of their identity, and you're perpetuating their sense of self. So they put pressure on you to produce and to do well, and even there are narcissistic cultures, which I really believe that South Asian culture has a lot of narcissistic tendencies.
And I'm gonna get into the actual disorder, so how you can learn and identify it. But yeah, there are cultures that have personality disorder traits and people who have those. And so the reason I'm talking about it today is because someone in your family probably does have major traits or the actual disorders of narcissism and or borderline.
And educating ourselves on this can really help alleviate our own suffering, and bring us peace of mind because we can categorize things. I find categorizing things or putting people in a certain box actually will help me for understanding strange and irrational behaviors, so like why they behave the way they behave when I'm not understanding it.
And remember that when people are behaving irrationally, their behavior rarely has anything to do with you, and really has everything to do with them. But engaging with them is always a waste of time. Because most of the time, they never change, they never grow. So having a real conversation with them isn't really going to go anywhere. And it's simply a waste of time and energy.
And conserving our time and energy is such a crucial part of this work. So that's why I talk about it all the time in so many episodes. Even the concept of creating boundaries, that saves you so much time and energy, like a lot of this work, is to save us that space so that we have the things that really matter.
Now, the relationships with people who have narcissistic tendencies or borderline tendencies really must be managed with strategies and boundaries. I'm going to talk to you about that to give you some tools. So let's start with narcissistic personality disorder, and really go through some criteria that the DSM-5, which is a manual used by psychiatrists and physicians and clinicians to diagnose mental disorders.
And I'm going to abbreviate NPD, narcissistic personality disorder. It is really characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, feeling full of yourself, needing admiration all the time, and really lacking empathy for others, being really self absorbed, really self centered.
So someone who's really preoccupied with themselves, their achievements, their image. They may seem overly confident, but this actually really masks a deeper vulnerability to criticism, like they're really sensitive, because they have a poor sense of self, they usually have poor self esteem, but that's really, really hidden deep inside.
And men like this are actually very charming. And they will suck you in with grandiose gestures in the beginning of dating and can really charm and knock your socks off. So beware of that if you're a single woman dating, if it's too much too soon and too fast, it probably is, and they probably have these kinds of narcissistic tendencies.
So key criteria for NPD includes a grandiose sense of self importance, preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success and unlimited power, brilliance, beauty. A belief that one is special, unique, better than other people, needing excessive admiration, having entitlement, like unrealistic expectations of people, especially favorable treatment, or automatic compliance with their expectations.
Usually taking advantage of others or manipulating other people to serve themselves, lacking empathy, really being unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others, envy of others, or even thinking that others envy them, kind of a haughty attitude. So these are the main traits.
Now I'm going to define and explain borderline personality disorder which I'll call BPD, which is really marked by intense emotional turmoil and unstable relationships. So these kinds of people, they're moody, they have rapid mood swings, they have major fear of abandonment and difficulty with self image, but it's not that obvious.
In fact, there's a book that's called "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" which is the book for dealing with people with borderline personality sorter. So think about, I hate you, but I don't want you to leave me. So if you're ever wondering what it means just go back to that line because it really does sum it up.
So they really want to avoid abandonment, either real or imagined. They have a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized alternating between extremes of idealization, but also devaluation.
They have an unstable self image or sense of self, they're impulsive and at least a couple of areas of self damage or self harm, which would be spending too much, over sexing, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, things like that.
Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, threats or self mutilating behavior, instability due to marked reactivity of their moods. So they get really angry over not much. They have feelings of emptiness, they have inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling their anger. So they're often angry, they're often raging. They also have transient stress related paranoid ideation. So like they're paranoid.
And by thinking about this, it will help you when you have an idea of what these two things
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Release Date: 03/04/2024, 09:30:00
